die Schweiz
by Stelra Etnae
Summary: In which America gets his hands on a German phrasebook and Switzerland seriously wishes that he had brought his shotgun.


**_I went for a set of German language taster classes, and found it hilarious (in a Hetalia context, that is) that not only is Switzerland one of the few countries that have an article attached, it's a _feminine_ one to boot. So it's "die Schweiz", in which "die" (pronounced 'di') is the feminine definitive article in German._**

**_I'm surprised that this hasn't been written yet (at least I couldn't find anything), so I decided to write about it myself._**

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><p>"Dude! Are you like, secretly a chick?"<p>

The addressed nation twitched. "_Excuse me?_"

Sensing that her brother was about to explode, Liechtenstein hastily intervened. "Excuse me, Mr. America, but why do you think that my _bruder_ is a girl?"

"This!" the boisterous nation waved a hardback a little too close their faces, forcing Switzerland to step back or gain a bruise on his nose. "I was reading this book, and it said that you are a girl!"

The scene had by then attracted more than a few stares and thus multiple pairs of eyes turned towards the book that the loud nation was still waving in the air.

It was a German phrasebook.

Switzerland could feel a headache coming on. Even though he knew where the American was coming from now, he didn't have to like it. No, he did not like it at all. Why the hell had America been reading a German book anyway!?

There was a snicker from somewhere in the room, and green eyes snapped in its direction to meet dancing red eyes, as expected. His eyes narrowed, irritation flashing as he got an impish grin in reply. Oh, he was so going to get back at the Prussian later on.

"Mr. America, are you interested in learning German?" Ah, dear, sweet Liechtenstein was trying to divert the topic of conversation. He was definitely baking some of those cookies she liked when they got home.

America scratched the back of his head, flipping through the book. "Hmm... Nah, it looks pretty hard. To be honest, I was just bored and found this book lying around."

Right, because German phrasebooks could always be found on meeting room tables for no reason at all, just waiting for an over-curious nation to pick it up. Switzerland shot another death glare at Prussia.

He was so preoccupied with this that he unfortunately didn't realize that America's attention had returned to him until the hamburger lover once again invaded his personal space.

"So, _are_ you a girl?" The American rambled on, oblivious about how the Swiss was getting increasingly ticked off. "I mean, you are kinda small after all, and I've heard a lot of people saying that your land is really pretty, and…"

His hand twitched to where his shotgun usually hung but grasped empty air. He gaped at it (or lack thereof) for a while before remembering. Damn it all, he had promised Liechtenstein not to bring his gun today!

He took a deep breath to try to calm himself. It didn't work. "NOW LISTEN H-"

"The grammatical gender of nouns in German are largely arbitrary," Austria interjected calmly. "Or, to put it simply," he continued at America's baffled look, "it is usually random. _Die Türkei_ has the feminine article as well, and you can't say he might be a woman, can you?"

Their gazes turned as one to where the tanned nation in question was laughing boisterously at something Denmark had said. Nope, no one would logically think that Turkey was a woman.

"So you aren't actually a girl cross-dressing as a guy?" America looked incredibly put-out.

"No," Switzerland said flatly, glad that the issue was over. He spared a grudging nod for Austria before spinning on his heel and striding out of the room. "Come along, Liechtenstein. We're going home."

"Ah, yes, bruder." Glancing back the remaining nations, the girl bobbed a polite bow before hurrying after her brother.

Blissful quiet fell for a moment.

"Hey, Turkey, you wouldn't happen to actually be a girl after all, would you?"

Austria sighed heavily and washed his hands of the matter.

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><p><em><strong>So why <strong>_**is**_** Switzerland "die Schweiz"? Honestly, I haven't a clue. Might any German speakers be able to shed some light on this?**_

_**And as always, reviews are much appreciated!**_


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